Fall Down

I love fall. The smells, the cool air, the bright blue skies all announce the coming winter. I love to be reminded by the brilliant gold and copper leaves, that like them, my days are numbered and soon will be over on this earth. At 57 I consider myself in the fall of life, brilliant colors and all! I so desire to live my last days like those mature, beautiful, fragile leaves that offer up praise with an awe-inspiring show even as their purpose comes to an end.

Now that it's close to Thanksgiving, the "death" image is all around me. Biting wind, dark days, bare trees all speak to death. Strangely, this is comforting to me. Knowing that I am ever closer to eternal living, I offer up each breathing earth-day as an offering.

Today I saw my retina specialist for a check up. I'm doing great - 20/25 vision. Still I have the reminder in my left eye. A little distortion, a black hole that sucks up a letter here and there if I only use my left eye to read. I love that reminder of where I once was; it brings me to a place of thanks for what is, and where I am headed in this fall season body.

2 Corinthians 5:4-5
For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up to life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Eucharisteo

I recently read a book that has been used to transform my thinking, and more importantly, my heart. I'm probably the last person around to have picked up Ann Voskamp's book, " One Thousand Gifts". Finding the graces in everyday life; seeing God's loving hand in sweet gifts sprinkled throughout the day's experiences has opened my heart to knowing my Lord in a more intimate way. As I read Scripture, I am now struck with how many directives there are to "be thankful". Not just for the pretty, good, likeable stuff of life, but for ALL things. The pain of illness, the hurt of relationships, the trial of facing the unknown, all gifts poured into our lives to draw us ever closer to the true lover of our souls. The One who made us.

This week I've been able to volunteer at The Moody Church's Summer Blast VBS program. Working with a room of 33 four-year-old children is the most exhausting, refreshing and humbling opportunity. Their hearts are so open to receive the Gospel. They like you (or not!) immediately. There are few things sweeter than a child climbing in your lap telling you that you are their favorite teacher. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get a distracted, tired little one to please sit and listen to the story. Yet all are "gifts" for which I give thanks. Lovely moments shared under the umbrella of God's Grace.

Instead of the bus today, I walked back to the condo. A short walk, only just under 2 miles but just a wonderful time to reflect and pray. See strangers and pray. Pray for the wealthy elderly ladies at lunch in the outdoor cafe, pray for the homeless man picking through the trash can. Pray for the one's I love. Pray for my husband, children, grandchildren and parents. Pray for me.

Thank you Father for this rich, full day of gifts.

Eucharisteo.

Feeling Like Myself

The little bouncing bubble is much smaller today. Went to work, got everything caught up with no nausea or fatigue. So I came home and took out my beloved vacuum and started to clean for the first time in two weeks. Now, that might not seem like a big deal, but I have a love affair with vacuuming. My oldest daughter has sworn that when I die, she will have me cremated, sprinkle my ashes over the family room carpet and vacuum me up to honor my memory with my favorite pastime.  

Still not driving, have to sleep on my stomach and not lift more than 10 pounds, and refrain from breaking a sweat or elevating my heart rate, but hallelujah, I feel like myself, instead of a middle aged sloth.

Vision still has distortion, but it definitely is reduced. I thank God daily for my quick recovery. After reading online blogs that detailed long, difficult post surgical experiences,  I was prepared for the worst.

Tomorrow....walk the neighborhood and clean the shower!

Dizzy

Reading in the car, roller-coasters and vitrectomies all have one thing in common. They make me dizzy. After getting the thumbs-up to be heads-up, I went to work Tuesday to try to catch up. Everything was fine for about an hour and then I started to feel like I was on a tilt-a-whirl. After Jerry drove me home I slept the rest of the day. The gas bubble in my eye is getting smaller, but it is a constant wiggly, jiggly presence in everything I look at. Reading amps that up to a whole lot of jiggling with more rapid side-to-side eye movement, confusing my brain.

Fast forward to Thursday, and I made it back to work, but limited time to three hours. Just a slight headache this afternoon.

Well, back to my couch position to stare at some brain-rotting real housewives episode, or gay decorating show. Fox news is off-limits because it appears current events elevates my blood pressure, which in turn elevates my eye pressure, which could lead to a less-then-stellar recovery.

I'm Free!

Today I got my face-down sentence commuted! After a full week of having my head squeezed into a padded halo and forced to stare at floor or feet, I'm free to straighten up and look up. A visit to my retina specialist shows major healing of the macular hole, and an improvement in my vision. I still see the gas bubble in my left eye - it jiggles like the bubble in a level with every blink and heart beat, and produces an effect similar to looking through fishbowl. It should get smaller every day and be gone in another week. The five different eye drops are reduced to one four times a day. No driving till the bubble's gone and no elevation of heart rate or heavy lifting. My eye and face still look like I partied WAY too hard, and if you see me wearing sunglasses indoors, it's for your benefit more than mine.

I feel kind of like I'm doing something a little naughty now that I can sit at my computer and read again. I did tire quickly and went back to face-down for an hour this afternoon to rest. I think in a weird way I was adapting to the restrictions. This morning I was still slurping coffee through a straw, and stuck in my massage/torture chair. This afternoon I can eat popcorn without choking to death and walk around all I want. 

My husband was a dedicated nurse and cheerleader. He cooked for me, coached me into proper posturing,  stayed up till midnight to help me with the final drops and eye patch taping, tucked me into my wedge and head vise bed every night and most important, he prayed for me. Love you, Jerry!

I am in awe. Of modern medicine, the body's ability to heal, and of God's grace to strengthen, comfort and work all things together for good. 

Now, back to normal life.

A Real Pain in the _______

I woke up not even sure what day of the week it was. Days and nights filled with eye drops, Tylenol and just trying to be kind of comfortable just form one big endless day.

The worst part of this experience is the pain....not in my eye; there is no pain there. My cheek and forehead had skin torn off when my bandages were removed , and those are the parts of my face that are in constant contact with the face support. My neck is stressed, so it's either heat or cold to try to take the edge off. My elbows also hurt from supporting my upper body, and strangely enough my shins ache from pressure on the massage chair I spend most of my waking hours in.

Sleep comes after I take my midnight drops with Tylenol pm and is a couple hours at a time.

I can get up and walk around occasionally, but I don't do it too much because I am bound and determined to have the best healing possible. That means keeping the gas bubble in my eye firmly pressed against my retina.

I have felt waves of grace and relief when I pray in moments of  discomfort and self-pity. the prayers of so many friends and family are felt, appreciated and being answered.

Day 1 Recovery

Not allowed to read much so this post will be short and probably be full of typos since I can't really see all that well.
Surgery was fine. Having not had general anesthesia since I was 4 for tonsillitis and remembering throwing up all over after, I wasn't looking forward to it. But my whistling anesthesiologist  (yes he whistled some.70's disco tune in the or) worked magic and I woke up feeling great. First thing I remember is a guy in another bay snoring   his head off, and I told the nurse it sounded like my husband before he got a c-pap machine.

I was discharged in record time and have been face-down compliant.

First doctor visit today ,,, everything is healing properly and my eyeball is a spectacular purple which compliments my green eyes beautifully!

So thanks to my wonderful husband and  lots of prayers and good wishes I'm son in to day 2 of recovery!

My Downward Facing Journey

Tomorrow I will start my week of living face-down. No, I'm not trying some wacky test of physical and mental endurance.  This adventure is thanks to a macular hole that requires a vitrectomy, which will be performed tomorrow. In case you're curious, it involves two incisions in my left eye, the removal of most of my vitreous and peel of my retina, followed by the insertion of a dissolving gas bubble. If that doesn't sound bad enough, it's actually the lest objectionable part of the experience. I will have to be in a face-down position - 24 hours a day for at least a week. This will be interspersed with short 5-10 minute breaks which allow me to unfold myself and put in eye drops. 

As is the case with most medical procedures, the info handed to you at the doctor's makes it sound so very easy. Outpatient surgery, rest at home in various rented chairs and sleep aids, and voila! Problem solved. That may have worked back in the day when no one could blog their post surgical experience, but today we can find out the truth with a quick Google search. The first blog I found revealed there is much neck and shoulder pain from the face-down positioning. Fortunately the blogger shares her tips for alternating wine slurped through a straw, Benadryl and the occasional over-the-counter sleep aid to make it through. The second recounted how the one week recovery stretched into over 90 days and multiple surgeries. Not a good scenario to ponder before the big day.  There are some nifty pieces of rented equipment that help you stay "compliant". Basically a massage chair, a mirror that allow you to watch TV, and a large wedge and head support to let you "plank" through the night. 

Having never been hospitalized (if you don't count giving birth) or treated for anything more serious than a bladder infection - I have the feeling I'm not going to be a good patient. My dear husband has a rough week ahead - and I do think it will be harder on him than the week after his quadruple bypass last year.

I'm confident that this little adventure will be used by God for my good. I've decided to blog the recovery and hopefully be able to see not only improvement in my sight, but gain a better perspective on my life.
Philippians 4:13 got me through birthing our youngest daughter without any pain meds, and I pray it again and trust in God's mercy and sovereignty in ALL things!

"I can do all things through him (CHRIST) who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13