Fall Down

I love fall. The smells, the cool air, the bright blue skies all announce the coming winter. I love to be reminded by the brilliant gold and copper leaves, that like them, my days are numbered and soon will be over on this earth. At 57 I consider myself in the fall of life, brilliant colors and all! I so desire to live my last days like those mature, beautiful, fragile leaves that offer up praise with an awe-inspiring show even as their purpose comes to an end.

Now that it's close to Thanksgiving, the "death" image is all around me. Biting wind, dark days, bare trees all speak to death. Strangely, this is comforting to me. Knowing that I am ever closer to eternal living, I offer up each breathing earth-day as an offering.

Today I saw my retina specialist for a check up. I'm doing great - 20/25 vision. Still I have the reminder in my left eye. A little distortion, a black hole that sucks up a letter here and there if I only use my left eye to read. I love that reminder of where I once was; it brings me to a place of thanks for what is, and where I am headed in this fall season body.

2 Corinthians 5:4-5
For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up to life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Eucharisteo

I recently read a book that has been used to transform my thinking, and more importantly, my heart. I'm probably the last person around to have picked up Ann Voskamp's book, " One Thousand Gifts". Finding the graces in everyday life; seeing God's loving hand in sweet gifts sprinkled throughout the day's experiences has opened my heart to knowing my Lord in a more intimate way. As I read Scripture, I am now struck with how many directives there are to "be thankful". Not just for the pretty, good, likeable stuff of life, but for ALL things. The pain of illness, the hurt of relationships, the trial of facing the unknown, all gifts poured into our lives to draw us ever closer to the true lover of our souls. The One who made us.

This week I've been able to volunteer at The Moody Church's Summer Blast VBS program. Working with a room of 33 four-year-old children is the most exhausting, refreshing and humbling opportunity. Their hearts are so open to receive the Gospel. They like you (or not!) immediately. There are few things sweeter than a child climbing in your lap telling you that you are their favorite teacher. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get a distracted, tired little one to please sit and listen to the story. Yet all are "gifts" for which I give thanks. Lovely moments shared under the umbrella of God's Grace.

Instead of the bus today, I walked back to the condo. A short walk, only just under 2 miles but just a wonderful time to reflect and pray. See strangers and pray. Pray for the wealthy elderly ladies at lunch in the outdoor cafe, pray for the homeless man picking through the trash can. Pray for the one's I love. Pray for my husband, children, grandchildren and parents. Pray for me.

Thank you Father for this rich, full day of gifts.

Eucharisteo.

Feeling Like Myself

The little bouncing bubble is much smaller today. Went to work, got everything caught up with no nausea or fatigue. So I came home and took out my beloved vacuum and started to clean for the first time in two weeks. Now, that might not seem like a big deal, but I have a love affair with vacuuming. My oldest daughter has sworn that when I die, she will have me cremated, sprinkle my ashes over the family room carpet and vacuum me up to honor my memory with my favorite pastime.  

Still not driving, have to sleep on my stomach and not lift more than 10 pounds, and refrain from breaking a sweat or elevating my heart rate, but hallelujah, I feel like myself, instead of a middle aged sloth.

Vision still has distortion, but it definitely is reduced. I thank God daily for my quick recovery. After reading online blogs that detailed long, difficult post surgical experiences,  I was prepared for the worst.

Tomorrow....walk the neighborhood and clean the shower!

Dizzy

Reading in the car, roller-coasters and vitrectomies all have one thing in common. They make me dizzy. After getting the thumbs-up to be heads-up, I went to work Tuesday to try to catch up. Everything was fine for about an hour and then I started to feel like I was on a tilt-a-whirl. After Jerry drove me home I slept the rest of the day. The gas bubble in my eye is getting smaller, but it is a constant wiggly, jiggly presence in everything I look at. Reading amps that up to a whole lot of jiggling with more rapid side-to-side eye movement, confusing my brain.

Fast forward to Thursday, and I made it back to work, but limited time to three hours. Just a slight headache this afternoon.

Well, back to my couch position to stare at some brain-rotting real housewives episode, or gay decorating show. Fox news is off-limits because it appears current events elevates my blood pressure, which in turn elevates my eye pressure, which could lead to a less-then-stellar recovery.

I'm Free!

Today I got my face-down sentence commuted! After a full week of having my head squeezed into a padded halo and forced to stare at floor or feet, I'm free to straighten up and look up. A visit to my retina specialist shows major healing of the macular hole, and an improvement in my vision. I still see the gas bubble in my left eye - it jiggles like the bubble in a level with every blink and heart beat, and produces an effect similar to looking through fishbowl. It should get smaller every day and be gone in another week. The five different eye drops are reduced to one four times a day. No driving till the bubble's gone and no elevation of heart rate or heavy lifting. My eye and face still look like I partied WAY too hard, and if you see me wearing sunglasses indoors, it's for your benefit more than mine.

I feel kind of like I'm doing something a little naughty now that I can sit at my computer and read again. I did tire quickly and went back to face-down for an hour this afternoon to rest. I think in a weird way I was adapting to the restrictions. This morning I was still slurping coffee through a straw, and stuck in my massage/torture chair. This afternoon I can eat popcorn without choking to death and walk around all I want. 

My husband was a dedicated nurse and cheerleader. He cooked for me, coached me into proper posturing,  stayed up till midnight to help me with the final drops and eye patch taping, tucked me into my wedge and head vise bed every night and most important, he prayed for me. Love you, Jerry!

I am in awe. Of modern medicine, the body's ability to heal, and of God's grace to strengthen, comfort and work all things together for good. 

Now, back to normal life.

A Real Pain in the _______

I woke up not even sure what day of the week it was. Days and nights filled with eye drops, Tylenol and just trying to be kind of comfortable just form one big endless day.

The worst part of this experience is the pain....not in my eye; there is no pain there. My cheek and forehead had skin torn off when my bandages were removed , and those are the parts of my face that are in constant contact with the face support. My neck is stressed, so it's either heat or cold to try to take the edge off. My elbows also hurt from supporting my upper body, and strangely enough my shins ache from pressure on the massage chair I spend most of my waking hours in.

Sleep comes after I take my midnight drops with Tylenol pm and is a couple hours at a time.

I can get up and walk around occasionally, but I don't do it too much because I am bound and determined to have the best healing possible. That means keeping the gas bubble in my eye firmly pressed against my retina.

I have felt waves of grace and relief when I pray in moments of  discomfort and self-pity. the prayers of so many friends and family are felt, appreciated and being answered.

Day 1 Recovery

Not allowed to read much so this post will be short and probably be full of typos since I can't really see all that well.
Surgery was fine. Having not had general anesthesia since I was 4 for tonsillitis and remembering throwing up all over after, I wasn't looking forward to it. But my whistling anesthesiologist  (yes he whistled some.70's disco tune in the or) worked magic and I woke up feeling great. First thing I remember is a guy in another bay snoring   his head off, and I told the nurse it sounded like my husband before he got a c-pap machine.

I was discharged in record time and have been face-down compliant.

First doctor visit today ,,, everything is healing properly and my eyeball is a spectacular purple which compliments my green eyes beautifully!

So thanks to my wonderful husband and  lots of prayers and good wishes I'm son in to day 2 of recovery!

My Downward Facing Journey

Tomorrow I will start my week of living face-down. No, I'm not trying some wacky test of physical and mental endurance.  This adventure is thanks to a macular hole that requires a vitrectomy, which will be performed tomorrow. In case you're curious, it involves two incisions in my left eye, the removal of most of my vitreous and peel of my retina, followed by the insertion of a dissolving gas bubble. If that doesn't sound bad enough, it's actually the lest objectionable part of the experience. I will have to be in a face-down position - 24 hours a day for at least a week. This will be interspersed with short 5-10 minute breaks which allow me to unfold myself and put in eye drops. 

As is the case with most medical procedures, the info handed to you at the doctor's makes it sound so very easy. Outpatient surgery, rest at home in various rented chairs and sleep aids, and voila! Problem solved. That may have worked back in the day when no one could blog their post surgical experience, but today we can find out the truth with a quick Google search. The first blog I found revealed there is much neck and shoulder pain from the face-down positioning. Fortunately the blogger shares her tips for alternating wine slurped through a straw, Benadryl and the occasional over-the-counter sleep aid to make it through. The second recounted how the one week recovery stretched into over 90 days and multiple surgeries. Not a good scenario to ponder before the big day.  There are some nifty pieces of rented equipment that help you stay "compliant". Basically a massage chair, a mirror that allow you to watch TV, and a large wedge and head support to let you "plank" through the night. 

Having never been hospitalized (if you don't count giving birth) or treated for anything more serious than a bladder infection - I have the feeling I'm not going to be a good patient. My dear husband has a rough week ahead - and I do think it will be harder on him than the week after his quadruple bypass last year.

I'm confident that this little adventure will be used by God for my good. I've decided to blog the recovery and hopefully be able to see not only improvement in my sight, but gain a better perspective on my life.
Philippians 4:13 got me through birthing our youngest daughter without any pain meds, and I pray it again and trust in God's mercy and sovereignty in ALL things!

"I can do all things through him (CHRIST) who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Amazing Love

God's incredible gift to an ungrateful people - God Himself wrapped in human flesh. I can never hope to understand the depth of love that would cause the creator to humble Himself to become the means for us to enter into His presence, to stand before Him as we were created by Him - sinless. That wonderful communion of the garden walks restored as His Spirit chooses to dwell in our hearts cleansed by His blood. I can only imagine the joy in heaven the day salvation entered the world. As we sing our Christmas songs, all the heavenly host most certainly sings with us.
Praise God for His incredible gift of Jesus!

Mumblings

Where and how do I begin to expound. It's been a while and a lot has been festering inside my menopausal brain.

The socialization of health care would probably be first on my list of issues. I attended the Million Med March in Chicago Saturday, and was encouraged to hear intelligent speakers - disappointed to see a low turnout. As a woman fast approaching the the Medicare years, I am really concerned - not for my own health care - but for what this incredible mess of legislation will cost my children and grandchildren. As someone who has consistently voted Republican, I have to admire the Democrats and their "waste no time - do it now" posture. When Republicans had the opportunity, they chose to do nothing about health care and insurance in this country. Now we pay for that inaction BIG TIME.

I wish I could see a brighter future, and a rising star to vote for in the next presidential election, but I don't. Newt and his personal baggage, and willingness to embrace a liberal in sheep's clothing in New York bothers me. Sarah Palin is a a fine woman, but I don't know that she would be the right pick to run. Huckabee...no. Today I found myself fondly recalling Ronald Reagan and his bold stand against the air traffic controllers when they decided to go on strike. My husband and I wistfully recounting Reagan's actions to our 28 year old daughter as proof that once upon a time Republican's with a spine existed.

Because I tend to have a lot of angst and internal anger about the state of the world, I spend a lot of time praying and reading the Bible. As a Christian it keeps me grounded in the reality that God is still in control of all things. I really struggle and pray to have the mind, eyes and heart of Christ when looking at my world. I have also begun to be more active in speaking out to my representatives (to my husband's dismay). I am convinced that we are called as people of God to make a difference in this world in many ways.

1 Chronicles 29:11 "Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all."

His Will be done.

Like Mother Like Daughter

All I could think when I read this article is Madonna should either get an award for successfully cloning herself, or be arrested for child abuse. I think I vote for the arrest. To see a 12 year old girl parading around as a retro version of her skank mother is really disgusting. It seems from the article that Lourdes is a spoiled brat with a warped world view. How cute will it be when Lourdes is sleeping with her mom's boytoy Jesus? How proud will Madonna be when Lourdes drops her drawers for a pictorial in Playboy - or better yet publish a book like mommy did? Madonna is a sad 50 year old that is trying to hang on to her youth through her daughter. Delighting in parading her daughter around as a mini-me. It is pathetic. Good thing she is wealthy - her kids will need a lot of therapy thanks to her.

Remembering the Dead

As I watched the circus that was Ted Kennedy's funeral today, I was struck by the fawning, sanitized eulogies. Poignant words from his son - whose mother was summarily kicked to the curb via annulment of a marriage that lasted more than 20 years. What does that make the children from that union? If you read about it, Joan apparently didn't fight the annulment. How could she? Her life was already destroyed by alcoholism - which could only have been made worse by years of Ted's cheating ways. And then there was contending with the Kennedy clan... the original mobsters of Massachusets. No wonder Joan was found a few years back in a crumpled heap on a Boston street. Many, many additional indiscretions - well modeled by his father Joe. Yeah...Ted sounds like a GREAT dad.


Tears all around for a man who faithfully fulfilled his father's dream of a political empire. Tears for a man that killed an innocent woman, and successfully got away without criminal prosecution. Tears for a man that bears enormous responsibility for the death of millions of aborted children.
Tears for a man that made a mockery of the Catholic Church by his public campaigns against the church's doctrine - all in the name of "helping those less fortunate".


He was no hero - except to the ideology that cripples this country. Liberal elitism -the condescending stand that government will take care of you - decide what is best for you. A government made up of weak, non-principled men and women who see themselves as so much better than the rest. That has turned public service into some kind of life-long power trip.

Good luck resting in peace Ted.

FLAG ME!!!!

I have emailed to flag@whitehouse.gov to report myself as someone who is spreading "rumors" that the Obama Health Reform plan is bad, ill conceived and downright dangerous for this country.

If you feel the same way - do your civic duty and email them asap so they know just how many of us are out there.

Will History Repeat Itself?

Let's see....our economy is in shambles - the moral fiber of our nation is in tatters- N. Korea, China, Middle East all set to explode. What does our fearless leader want to do? Why, take over private industry, tax, tax, tax and shove government run health care down our throats of course! What upsets me most is the complete lack of concern on the part of most Americans. They have no knowledge of history, and therefore no ability to understand what is going on now, and what could happen if we continue down the socialist path of Obama. What is it about this smug, inexperienced Chicago politcal hack that has captured the adoration of the people? His race? His looks? I think that people are just shallow and stupid enough to use those as criteria for POTUS. African-Americans can be proud that one of their own broke into the white-boy's world, and liberals can pat themselves on the back for "helping a minority".
His race aside, as someone who was an adult during Jimmy Carter's reign of terror and saw the effects of inflation...I can say to the youngsters - just wait. Things can and will get a lot worse. Too bad there isn't a Reagan clone in the wings to get us out of this mess.

I love you grandma!

This is my dear grandma and me this past winter..she went home to the Lord Saturday, April 4. She was 102 years young. She was an amazing woman. Bilingual in German and English - smart, though not formally educated, she could talk politics, family or baseball. The first time she voted in the US was for Coolidge. I don't think she ever missed an election. I think in some ways I am like her. Opinionated, sometimes too harsh and judgmental, but very, very blessed. My grandfather died just a few years ago right before his 100th birthday. They spent their entire lives together. One child - my father, and my mother cared for them with great love for many, many years. I will miss calling her - hearing her opinion on the latest world crisis, and having her tell me she loved me.

I will see you soon Grandma...I serve the same Saviour.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor any powers, neither the present nor the future, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Blame Whitey!!!

Just in case us white folk forget, the president of Brazil has said that the current economic crisis was "caused by the irrational behaviour of white people with blue eyes, who before the crisis appeared to know everything and now demonstrate that they know nothing."

Actually, I recall Franklin D. Raines is not white and blue-eyed...unless he really is white - wearing black face to fool us all. Maxine Waters is not white. Charlie Rangel is not white.

I think corruption, greed and stupidity crosses racial lines.

1 Cor. 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight.

I've been considering lately the insane actions by the Obama admin. and our elected officials. I have come to the conclusion that these "brilliant" men....educated at some of the finest institutions of higher learning are lacking wisdom. Knowledge alone is not enough to choose to do the right thing. Having a moral compass set on the will of God is essential to keep people from making poor decisions. Let's pray that these officials will seek to do what is right, not just what is popular. After all, it is pride,greed, sloth and coveting that has brought our nation to this financial crisis point all human sins that are a result of being disconnected from the will of God.

UPDATE:
Add Springfield IL to the list Obama owes - at least $65,000 and his campaign can't say if he will pay it or not.

When I read that Chicago has not yet been paid for the Obamapalooza back in November, I was more than a little bit ticked off. Obama...the candidate with the biggest pile of money to spend, can't seem to pay back his finacially hurting home town the $1.74 MILLION dollars he owes.

Gee...can I just decide not to pay my bills? Will the big O allow me to not take responsibility for my obligations?? Oh wait, I'm not black, or in debt, or have a mortgage...I only save money, employ people and abide by the laws of the land.... Nevermind.

We could use a pill like this....

The magical "forget your bad memories" pill will come in handy as the craptastick stimulus bill is signed into law by the almighty Obama. Think the FDA could speed up approval...I think the Dems will hope it is available to voters before the next election.

"I don't have any taint from Gov. Blagojevich."

I don't have any taint from Gov. Blagojevich."

"I wish to supplement my answer with other events that I have been able to recall, to make certain the record is complete. ... I recall that Governor Blagojevich's brother, Rob Blagojevich, called me three times to seek my assistance in fund-raising for Governor Blagojevich," he wrote.

He then goes on to say that we shouldn't be appalled that he withheld this information, because he didn't actually do the fund-raising. Are there any politicians in IL who are not corrupt, delusional or liars?

I hope he doesn't been too hasty to get that magnificent tombstone of his engraved....